He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
My ATM looks so different sober.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
