I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
