oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
