I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
