I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
