I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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