Define "chronic" masturbator.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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