i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
