hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
