you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
