Dual....:-)
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
