Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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