i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
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if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
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I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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