dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
