you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
