lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
