Please don't use social media to get back at me.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
