i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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