Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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