my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
