He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
