I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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