the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I would ride that face into the sunset
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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