So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
