Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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