when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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