Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
