do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
