i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
