Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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