tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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