I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
