If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
you never un-have a 4some
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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