Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
