God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
