the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
