alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
