At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
