My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
