Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
