there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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