there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You ruined the universe
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
