The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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