he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
