i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
