I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
