it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
