Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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