plz talk dirty to me
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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