I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Oh god it's open bar.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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