she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
