I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
