But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
