My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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