True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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