at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I think your dad took our porno
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
