Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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