if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
