I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
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