I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
