I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
