Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
