I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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